Staying in the house for 1000 corpses for day 5

Rob Zombie’s House of 1000 Corpses is one of my favorite spooky-time movies. There are roadside attractions, a chicken-frying clown, a murderous hillbilly family that enjoys showtunes, a near-zombie doctor who performs human experiments, missing cheerleaders, and a group of condescending middle-class assholes writing a book. What more can you ask from a movie? And if you thought of something, it’s probably in the sequel, which I love even more, The Devil’s Rejects.

Now, at any given moment I’m on the verge of packing some bags, paying for my car to have wifi, going on a massive road trip, and probably writing a book about it. So I really needed to watch this movie right now. I do not want to disappear while trying to find the roadside attraction I saw advertised on a billboard.

I feel most confident behind the wheel on a long haul trip. I learned how to drive on road trips between Michigan and Massachusetts. My mom could not wait to have me do my fair share of the driving. I couldn’t wait until I could choose where I wanted drive. I’ve yet to take that long road trip of my dreams, but I’m hoping it will happen before 2030 and not during a pandemic.

House of 1000 Corpses takes a lot of horror movie tropes and just leans into them. Perhaps this is why I always enjoy it. What happens is exactly what you’d expect, but it’s just so much fun while it happens. Now, just because it’s one of my favorite movies does not mean this is an objectively good movie. And I have to admit that it’s a pretty bad film. But it’s still a classic to me, and that’s what’s important.

Things I learned tonight:

  1. If a local tells you to not go somewhere, don’t go.
  2. Be appreciative of offered help.
  3. If someone asks you to put on a mask, put it on!
  4. Don’t just go into anybody’s house.
  5. Don’t try to find a tree in a thunderstorm without a real map.

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